G.I. Joe was sure bad at a sneak attack! The new movies are terrible but I’ve got a new idea for you. What does Cobra have in common with the Star Trek Enterprise? Here are my top ten observations from my binge watching GI Joe on Netflix.
10. Joes are terrible at sneak attacks
Seriously, why could they never jump out of a bush and knock somebody out before they knew what hit them? The Joes had to give away their ID and position every time. For the best soldiers in the world, you would expect them to act more like Seal Team Six tracking down bin Laden than Fred Flintstone coming home.
9. G.I. Joe is way better than the A-Team
Sorry Steve. Maybe it’s just because I only watched the the A-Team pilot this year (Steve rightly points out in his blog, it’s pretty bad) but GI Joe can do so much more as a cartoon than anything A-Team had to achieve with real life effects. In one episode you could see the Joes fighting in the jungle, the antarctic AND space. You could see 25 planes go down and two bases explode while 10 million rounds are shot and a thousand henchmen go down, and it wouldn’t break the budget! Plus the Joe animators did a great job with cinematography, editing, music, sfx, vfx that really pulled you in.
8. Sorry, the new movies suck
Clearly the producers didn’t realize what made the show so great. The first one tried to hard to be a super hero movie. The second one killed Channing Tatum.
7. The next GI Joe movie should be a remake of Small Soldiers.
Hear me out! The toys are synonomous with the show, right? This movie ripped off the Joes anyways, right? What kid wouldn’t love his Joes coming to life and saving the world? The only thing I would keep from the Small Soldiers movie though is Phil Harman. Seriously. I want him to come back from the dead. Please.
6. I remember the G.I. Joe show coming back in ’89
In the 80’s, why did they show new kids shows when I had to go to school? Sorry I was late Mrs. Blanchard, but no kid could have resisted the resurrection of G.I. Joe in 1989.
5. This is one 80’s show you can binge watch
Sam brought up a good point in his review of Voltron and again on our last podcast. Shows from the 80’s are hard to binge watch because they are all so formulaic. I’m not going to argue that Joe breaks the mold of a formula, they always seemed to bring down Cobra’s plans for world domination in the end. However, they kept the formula mixed up. GI Joe did a lot of mini-series so they had arcs that would last through a number of episodes. They also threw in Zartan as a great wild card to keep things off balance. Changing the environments and weaponry did a lot too.
4. The 80’s toys were so great, there is nothing to say. So I’m gonna talk about Army Ants and Food Fighters
They G.I. Joe toys were amazing, enough said. So I’m going to take this opportunity to talk about my two favorite lesser known toys. Unlike G.I. Joe, Transformers and some of the other big name 80’s toys, they didn’t have a TV show to help boost sales.
Army Ants are exactly what they sound like. There was the red army (my brother had those) and the blue army (mine). They came in packs of five and just like the Joes, they had the different fighters, the scuba ant, the flying ant, the heavy artillery ant, etc. Kids today need a $150 video game. Us kids in the 80’s just needed a half inch piece of plastic.
Food Fighters were creative, fun and they took you to another world that you already know. I loved adventures of tiny people in the real world. To see the world from another perspective was great fun, and the 80’s were good for that! Honey I Shrunk the Kids, Rescue Rangers, even Land of The Giants was making money in reruns! The Food Fighters pitted the Kitchen Commandos against the Refrigerator Rejects. Eighties Awesome!
3. When there is no more Joe – Hear me out – Rambo: The Animated Series
Yes this was real. But I would have loved to have seen the pitch for that. “We want to do a G.I. Joe-like cartoon about John Rambo. A Vietnam vet killing machine with PTSD. We already have a great rated R movie series for this guy, let’s turn it into an animated show for the kids!” Granted, this is no G.I. Joe, but it was still fun. I had the action figure and yes, I even have the first volume on DVD, and for $6 you can too!
2. G.I. Joe PSA parody videos are ridiculous and fun!
These came out on YouTube years ago. Absolutely ridiculous. And fun!
1. Cobra is a lot like Star Trek
Hear me out on this one. If Captain Kirk and Spock were bad guys on Earth, they would be Cobra Commander and Destro. Cobra Commander is the wild leader who shoots from the hips and, goes with his gut and isn’t afraid to make bold and outrageous decisions to get the job done. His number two guy is the rational, scientific voice of reason. Destro is the guy everyone looks at and wonders why he isn’t running the show. Well it’s because leaders need to be a little reckless. Remember that boys and girls.
So those are my observations, what are yous?